Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Aussie Aussie Aussie! Ow! Ow! Ow!

Only a couple of weeks ago, my colleague and friend Dallas attended her citizenship ceremony, and was proud to now be able to call herself an Aussie.
If only it were that simple.
What Dallas didn't know, is that it is not the citizenship test, nor the ceremony that makes you an Aussie, but the passing of several initiation tests with ones mates that does it.
Let me explain about Dallas. She is smart. Wicked smart. She was born and raised in Sri Lanka and given a good British education. Her grasp on the English language is far tighter than many of us Aussies, and we are often asking her to help us construct speeches or carefully worded emails at work. So, when we can stump her, we feel quite victorious!
Sometimes it's just plain funny. Especially when she innocently uses a word which she thinks has a particular meaning, and we have to educate her on the Aussie translation (read: rubber=condom, dinger=condom, muff=...well you should all know that one!)
Then there are the sayings we have taught her. The particular favourite we instructed her to say to DIAC when sitting her test: "Hey mate, can I have a glass of water? I'm as dry as a dead dingo's donger!".
However, it was only last week that she passed the last initiation with her mates (I'm so sorry I wasn't there to witness it!). After attending a friends party, it was time to call a taxi to go home. "No need!" says her friend Ryan. "I have my bike - I'll give you a dink!"
"A what??" says Dallas.
"If you don't know what a dink is, then you are not an Aussie yet" jibed her friends.
Never one to decline a challenge, Dallas held her head high and said "sure, you can give me a dink".
Being quite a sensible lass, she did - to her credit - almost concede defeat when she found out that the said dink, wasn't a comfortable, nor ideal situation. Still, with a few voddy's in her already, she summoned the 'Aussie within' and perched herself on Ryan's handlebars.
They started the rough journey home, and within only a few minutes they hit a bump, and Dallas was thrown over the handlebars. Not to worry, she brushed herself off and jumped back on, thinking she now knew what to look out for.
If only it were that simple.
The next bump saw her legs flail, her shoes come off, and her toe caught in the spokes of the front wheel of Ryan's bike, before flipping over the handlebars.
So, it was with a heavily bandaged, thong wearing foot, that Dallas came to work on Monday and declared - "If I tell you this story, then you can't call me a FOB (Fresh Of the Boat) anymore. I've been drunk, I've accepted a dare off a mate, I've been dinked, I've been injured, and I've put away my pride by sharing the story with you - I've more than earned my Aussie citizenship now."
And so she has!