Thursday, January 22, 2009

Simply the Breast

I have a delicate issue, and I'm not sure what to do about it.

Every two to three weeks, I go to get my nails done. Usually, I go to the same place, and I have the same lady. Today, I was out of town, so I went somewhere new.
I sat down, told the lady what I wanted, then she started to work. It is at this point that I start watching her shaping and filing my nails, and I remove my focus from what she is doing with my hands, and my focus moves to her chest. Not just her chest, but her breasts. She has, absolutely, gorgeous, boobs. Not big, not a joining cleavage of mass proportion. Just a perfect undulation of B Cup mounds, with a slight gully in between.

Now that I've seen them, I can't stop staring! I try to avert my gaze, but when I start looking once again at my nails, I can't help but let my eyes glaze over and change focus again. Why look in the foreground when you have womanly perfection in the background?

Then, it gets worse. She starts to buff.

With just a little side to side motion, her beautiful bosom starts a little jiggle. I'm convinced now that she is not even wearing a push up bra, but these gifts from God are indeed natural and free to stay positioned how God intended.

I look down, trying to glance at my own cleavage to compare. No, hers is definitely better.

So, my problem is not that I want to jump this poor lass, but that I think I have just acquired a new addiction. I have to see those breasts again. I don't care that she is an hour from my house (my usual nail lady is 5 minutes up the road). I don't care that she charges more. I'll pay it as long as she wears a v-neck. I'm not in love with her boobs, I am in awe of them. Is that really so wrong?

Monday, January 19, 2009

My Package

Now that MD and Al have had a good laugh about this silly situation, I thought you might appreciate an update on my package.
Ladies and gentlemen, my package has been found! Nearly 2 weeks after it’s disappearance, I received a phone call at work. A phone call from Michelle. I have no idea who Michelle is, however, she says during said phone call (quite fast and without taking a breath): “I know this might sound like a strange question, but did you send me a DVD? It’s just that the note inside says it’s from Deb and you are the first Deb in the work directory, so I thought I’d ring you and ask you if you sent me a DVD….” I had to stop the poor girl, she was in such a tizz. I confirmed that yes, the package was sent from me, and no, it was not for her. She seemed a little disappointed, but told me she’d drop the package to me at my desk.

20 seconds after hanging up, she was at my desk.
Turns out Michelle is new, and sits about 15 metres away from me.

All that stress of wondering where my package was, and worrying who had received it, and it was that close all along.
Dorothy was right, you should never go looking any further than your own back yard.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

An Animal In The Bed

So, as most of you are probably aware, when you break up with someone, there are a few practical matters that one must deal with. One of the biggies is: "What do I now do with all this room in my bed"?
It's been almost 4 months since I broke up with Jack, and during this time, I've had to experiment with different ways of dealing with the extra space. At first, I put a pillow lengthways next to me, blocking out "his" side of the bed. Like a "do not enter" sign - going to the other side was too dangerous to contemplate. This was also handy, as it doubled as a substitute body also. If I slept on my side and draped my arm across the pillow, I could almost imagine I was nuzzled into his arm pit and had my arm draped across his chest...
I then realised this wasn't healthy and I needed to confront this conundrum. So, I slept diagonally - almost willing myself to utilise the the space, like, "Yeah, I really needed a queen size bed all to myself, I don't know how I dealt with having so much room taken up by an extra body". This was actually working quite well until the cat realised what was going on. All of a sudden, the cat and I were fighting over a queen size bed like it was a vacant block of land in Sydney priced under half a million dollars. I know what your thinking - it's a cat, how hard can it be, right? You haven't met my cat. She's big. Not like, panther big, but like, 7kg domestic cat big (now, before you go calling the RSPCA to report me on overfeeding my cat, I can assure you her vet has confirmed she is not overweight, just big) . She is also a princess and used to getting whatever she wants (ok, my fault really...mental note, do not substitute cute fluffy animals for children and then spoil them because they are your only child). So, now that Jack has gone, she has suddenly realised that she no longer needs to be delegated to the end corner of the bed near my feet, and that she can now sleep next to me (near my chest), where it's cozy and warm. I actually don't have a problem with this when we go to bed, because she curls up all cute like and purrs close to my ear. It's kind of snugly actually. What I have a problem with, is when she wakes me at 2am, because she's realised that rather than sleeping in a cute little ball, she wants to stretch out lengthways. Back legs down, front legs outstretched over head. What's the problem you ask? She doesn't do this in a top-of-the-bed to bottom-of-the-bed fashion, she does it perpendicular - across the bed. That's close to a meter of 7kgt cat, monopolising my bed!
I think I'll be delegated to the bottom corner of the bed soon.
Joni lied. The bed is not too big and the frying pan...well, it is a little wide....

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Have you seen my package?

Yes, I'm back!
So, if any of you work in my building and are wondering why you have recieved a DVD of Entourage in the internal mail, please let me know. I was trying to return it to The Cookie Monster, however, it seems I forgot to put his name on the front of the envelope - therefore the delivery would have been made to whoever's name was last on the envelope. Being that I work in the National Office of the company, I only hope it wasn't the GM...or the CEO. I do believe I put a "with compliments" note inside, I'm just not sure what I wrote on it: "Thanks for an entertaining evening", "I like to watch", or was it something about "needing cake for my next form of entertainment"?
This could be bad. This could be very very bad.