You can quote me on that!

Quite often MD, Al and I are together, and someone says something stupidly funny. Sometimes it's also stupidly rude, so we agree it's out of bounds for the bloggisphere. Sometimes it's not just funny, but it makes you think: "Could that be true?"
Either way, more often than not, we chorus together: "I'm blogging about that one!"

So, here are a few I thought could be opened up for discussion and comment:

MD: As most of you know, MD is off on a trip to Sweden shortly. When I asked her recently why she had cut down on the wine, started eating way too much salad, and begun getting up at stupid o'clock in the morning to exercise, she simply said: "Because Deb, you can't be fat in Sweden". Being that MD is far from fat, I really do wonder if there is anyone under a size 8 in Sweden. I mean, does she really have a point?

Al: After spending the day at his local drinking establishment in the upper end of town, Al came to work complaining how it had been taken over by gay men. I reckon I have a pretty good gaydar, and (obviously) Al is gay, however, I still naively asked him how he knew everyone there was gay. His response: "Because Deb, every one of them owns an Abercrombie & Fitch T-shirt, G-Star jeans and Prada sunglasses". Can this be true?

Then there is another friend of mine who recently said to me (about my ex Jack): "Sometimes his head is so big, he can't get it through the car door". Seriously, did she make that up, or have any of you heard that before?

And here is one I thought was common, but apparently my family made it up. When something fits really well (like when tightly squeezing a piece of furniture into an alcove and it has no room to spare on either side) I would say: "Fits like a bum in a bucket".

So, the list could go on, but I ask you my good friends, what are your quotes?

Spare a thought

A serious post this time folks....

Today is a very sad day for Victorians. History was made yesterday in more ways than one, as Melbourne had it's hottest day on record and bush fires raged throughout the state.
Waking up to see the carnage this morning was heartbreaking. Still, we must be grateful for what we do have, and as the day unfolded into night, I began to realise the importance of friends, and the unimportance of so many other things in your life.

What was supposed to be a 40th birthday celebration for a friend, turned into a strange situation as we all tried not to think of what was happening outside of our safety bubble of the inner city. We drank, we played lawn bowles. We went through the motions of what one does to celebrate a birthday, but we just couldn't be there in spirit. There were several of us who had friends or family that were in danger, and there wasn't a lot we could do except for make phone calls, check the CFA website, and wander into the clubhouse to check the news every half hour.
It seems we all were affected in one way or another.
My mother was alone in her house in the Yarra Valley, and was facing the decision of staying or going.
The wife of the party boy had horses in Kinglake that she couldn't get to.
And Jack had recently purchased a property in Flowerdale which was now under threat.

We all went home at about 10pm, but there was no way I could sleep. Jack came back to my place and we stayed up all night. Still checking the CFA site, but trying not to think about what was happening. We talked. We talked and talked and all of the anger and resentment that we held against one another from the breakdown of our relationship faded away, as we realised that there are far more serious things to waste energy on.

And as I cried watching the destruction on the news this morning, I sent up a prayer of gratitude. My mother is safe and well, the horses have been sighted, and Jack was back, if only for a short while.

And the Winner Is.....

Jayne has kindly presented me with this Lovely Blog Award. If you are not already readers of Jayne's blog containing fascinating facts about our Great Southern Land, then I highly recommend you pop on by for a squiz.

Now, I have been charged with the task of forwarding on the award. The rules are as follows:

1. Add the logo to your blog

2. Link to the person who gifted you the award.

3. Nominate 7 or more blogs to bestow the award upon.

4. Leave a message on their blog telling them they have One Lovely Blog!

I am happy to now present the award to my most dedicated followers and commenters:

Miss Diarist, I know Jayne also gave you this award, but I would also like to give it to you. You started this whole blogging business, so you are truly worthy.

Al, I don't care that this award is pink and pretty, I shall present it to you because you are you. Besides, you are gay, you are supposed to show it loud and proud.

Andrew, I don't know you as well as I know Al, but ditto the gay thing, and also know that I love reading your blog.

Rueben, you are one truly switched on unit. You often astound me with your perceptive observations. Again, sorry about the pretty pinkness of your award.

Rhubarb, I love anyone who still contacts school books.

Pat, for showing us that true love does exist and is worth the wait.

Brian, for your hilarious cartoons and wacky wit.

Ok folks, must do some work now. Stay tuned for the next post coming soon....

Simply the Breast

I have a delicate issue, and I'm not sure what to do about it.

Every two to three weeks, I go to get my nails done. Usually, I go to the same place, and I have the same lady. Today, I was out of town, so I went somewhere new.
I sat down, told the lady what I wanted, then she started to work. It is at this point that I start watching her shaping and filing my nails, and I remove my focus from what she is doing with my hands, and my focus moves to her chest. Not just her chest, but her breasts. She has, absolutely, gorgeous, boobs. Not big, not a joining cleavage of mass proportion. Just a perfect undulation of B Cup mounds, with a slight gully in between.

Now that I've seen them, I can't stop staring! I try to avert my gaze, but when I start looking once again at my nails, I can't help but let my eyes glaze over and change focus again. Why look in the foreground when you have womanly perfection in the background?

Then, it gets worse. She starts to buff.

With just a little side to side motion, her beautiful bosom starts a little jiggle. I'm convinced now that she is not even wearing a push up bra, but these gifts from God are indeed natural and free to stay positioned how God intended.

I look down, trying to glance at my own cleavage to compare. No, hers is definitely better.

So, my problem is not that I want to jump this poor lass, but that I think I have just acquired a new addiction. I have to see those breasts again. I don't care that she is an hour from my house (my usual nail lady is 5 minutes up the road). I don't care that she charges more. I'll pay it as long as she wears a v-neck. I'm not in love with her boobs, I am in awe of them. Is that really so wrong?

My Package

Now that MD and Al have had a good laugh about this silly situation, I thought you might appreciate an update on my package.
Ladies and gentlemen, my package has been found! Nearly 2 weeks after it’s disappearance, I received a phone call at work. A phone call from Michelle. I have no idea who Michelle is, however, she says during said phone call (quite fast and without taking a breath): “I know this might sound like a strange question, but did you send me a DVD? It’s just that the note inside says it’s from Deb and you are the first Deb in the work directory, so I thought I’d ring you and ask you if you sent me a DVD….” I had to stop the poor girl, she was in such a tizz. I confirmed that yes, the package was sent from me, and no, it was not for her. She seemed a little disappointed, but told me she’d drop the package to me at my desk.

20 seconds after hanging up, she was at my desk.
Turns out Michelle is new, and sits about 15 metres away from me.

All that stress of wondering where my package was, and worrying who had received it, and it was that close all along.
Dorothy was right, you should never go looking any further than your own back yard.

An Animal In The Bed

So, as most of you are probably aware, when you break up with someone, there are a few practical matters that one must deal with. One of the biggies is: "What do I now do with all this room in my bed"?
It's been almost 4 months since I broke up with Jack, and during this time, I've had to experiment with different ways of dealing with the extra space. At first, I put a pillow lengthways next to me, blocking out "his" side of the bed. Like a "do not enter" sign - going to the other side was too dangerous to contemplate. This was also handy, as it doubled as a substitute body also. If I slept on my side and draped my arm across the pillow, I could almost imagine I was nuzzled into his arm pit and had my arm draped across his chest...
I then realised this wasn't healthy and I needed to confront this conundrum. So, I slept diagonally - almost willing myself to utilise the the space, like, "Yeah, I really needed a queen size bed all to myself, I don't know how I dealt with having so much room taken up by an extra body". This was actually working quite well until the cat realised what was going on. All of a sudden, the cat and I were fighting over a queen size bed like it was a vacant block of land in Sydney priced under half a million dollars. I know what your thinking - it's a cat, how hard can it be, right? You haven't met my cat. She's big. Not like, panther big, but like, 7kg domestic cat big (now, before you go calling the RSPCA to report me on overfeeding my cat, I can assure you her vet has confirmed she is not overweight, just big) . She is also a princess and used to getting whatever she wants (ok, my fault really...mental note, do not substitute cute fluffy animals for children and then spoil them because they are your only child). So, now that Jack has gone, she has suddenly realised that she no longer needs to be delegated to the end corner of the bed near my feet, and that she can now sleep next to me (near my chest), where it's cozy and warm. I actually don't have a problem with this when we go to bed, because she curls up all cute like and purrs close to my ear. It's kind of snugly actually. What I have a problem with, is when she wakes me at 2am, because she's realised that rather than sleeping in a cute little ball, she wants to stretch out lengthways. Back legs down, front legs outstretched over head. What's the problem you ask? She doesn't do this in a top-of-the-bed to bottom-of-the-bed fashion, she does it perpendicular - across the bed. That's close to a meter of 7kgt cat, monopolising my bed!
I think I'll be delegated to the bottom corner of the bed soon.
Joni lied. The bed is not too big and the frying pan...well, it is a little wide....

Have you seen my package?

Yes, I'm back!
So, if any of you work in my building and are wondering why you have recieved a DVD of Entourage in the internal mail, please let me know. I was trying to return it to The Cookie Monster, however, it seems I forgot to put his name on the front of the envelope - therefore the delivery would have been made to whoever's name was last on the envelope. Being that I work in the National Office of the company, I only hope it wasn't the GM...or the CEO. I do believe I put a "with compliments" note inside, I'm just not sure what I wrote on it: "Thanks for an entertaining evening", "I like to watch", or was it something about "needing cake for my next form of entertainment"?
This could be bad. This could be very very bad.