Tuesday, January 13, 2009

An Animal In The Bed

So, as most of you are probably aware, when you break up with someone, there are a few practical matters that one must deal with. One of the biggies is: "What do I now do with all this room in my bed"?
It's been almost 4 months since I broke up with Jack, and during this time, I've had to experiment with different ways of dealing with the extra space. At first, I put a pillow lengthways next to me, blocking out "his" side of the bed. Like a "do not enter" sign - going to the other side was too dangerous to contemplate. This was also handy, as it doubled as a substitute body also. If I slept on my side and draped my arm across the pillow, I could almost imagine I was nuzzled into his arm pit and had my arm draped across his chest...
I then realised this wasn't healthy and I needed to confront this conundrum. So, I slept diagonally - almost willing myself to utilise the the space, like, "Yeah, I really needed a queen size bed all to myself, I don't know how I dealt with having so much room taken up by an extra body". This was actually working quite well until the cat realised what was going on. All of a sudden, the cat and I were fighting over a queen size bed like it was a vacant block of land in Sydney priced under half a million dollars. I know what your thinking - it's a cat, how hard can it be, right? You haven't met my cat. She's big. Not like, panther big, but like, 7kg domestic cat big (now, before you go calling the RSPCA to report me on overfeeding my cat, I can assure you her vet has confirmed she is not overweight, just big) . She is also a princess and used to getting whatever she wants (ok, my fault really...mental note, do not substitute cute fluffy animals for children and then spoil them because they are your only child). So, now that Jack has gone, she has suddenly realised that she no longer needs to be delegated to the end corner of the bed near my feet, and that she can now sleep next to me (near my chest), where it's cozy and warm. I actually don't have a problem with this when we go to bed, because she curls up all cute like and purrs close to my ear. It's kind of snugly actually. What I have a problem with, is when she wakes me at 2am, because she's realised that rather than sleeping in a cute little ball, she wants to stretch out lengthways. Back legs down, front legs outstretched over head. What's the problem you ask? She doesn't do this in a top-of-the-bed to bottom-of-the-bed fashion, she does it perpendicular - across the bed. That's close to a meter of 7kgt cat, monopolising my bed!
I think I'll be delegated to the bottom corner of the bed soon.
Joni lied. The bed is not too big and the frying pan...well, it is a little wide....

10 comments:

Andrew said...

I'll say nothing as I could not help myself to not make a pussy joke.

rhubarbwhine said...

I didn't have the worry of how to use the space, I just sprawled over the entire bed. Maybe because I didn't miss that armpit at all? I did notice that side of the bed stayed made, which was great! My cat did the same thing, it took her a while to take to being relocated again!

RVB said...

I think your armpit withdrawals will eventually subside.

miss diarist said...

There were 2 in the bed and the little one said (that'd be you) Roll Over.
Cat: No.
You: Oh. Sorry, Cat.

What I want to know is how will kitty cope when you do share your bed with someone else again? Will there be clawed faces, or will the two of you just give in to the inevitable and spend the night on the couch?

Deb said...

Andrew: I was waiting for someone to do it - congrats on getting in first!
Rhubarb: Well done for you! Nice to see you find the silver lining so quickly.
Rueben: Again, I was waiting for someone to comment on the arm pit thing
MD: Stop getting songs stuck in my head! (If only others knew what I have to put up with at work sitting next to you)...Anyway, it's more likely that I'll just have to buy a new house with an extra bedroom so that the cat can have her own queen size been all to herself.

Jayne said...

The Cat does not, under Feline Law, have to acknowledge that anyone else actually inhabits the bed and can, again under Feline Law, eject you for causing any kind of disturbance that interrupts His/Her slumber.

lightning in a bottle said...

how i talk about my cat, edie to others:

"she's not my pet. i'm HER human."

yup, what furry face wants, furry face gets.

PI said...

I think it's great you can write in such an amusing fashion about it and it bodes well for the future.
Do you share the crazy superstition that I have: I must not get out of bed the wrong side - that is - his side - even when he's not there and it's nearest the door?
I hope kitty keeps her claws sheathed when she's stretching!

Deb said...

Jayne: Ah, thanks for pointing that one out, I hadn't thought to check the Feline Law policy. Now it all makes sense...
Li: You are so right! She definitely owns me, not the other way around.
Pat: Yes, I too subscribe to the "wrong side of the bed" superstition! And unfortunately, The Cat does have an issue in remembering to keep her claws in. In the mornings she wakes me up by slapping my nose, causing slight scratches and funny looks from my work colleagues...

phil said...

First rule of cats: no matter the size of the bed and the size of the cat, there is never enough room for cohabitation.